The odd thing about being paranoid is the way it clashes with my trademark low self-esteem. In order to be paranoid you have to believe that people consider you worth the time to hate. In my head I know this is not true. No one is paying attention to me. They have their own lives and concerns to focus on. Emotionally though... I feel it. I see it. I hear it. Every glance, every whisper,every laugh. I see them all, feel them all, and instinctively I decode their meanings. "Filthy", "Fat","Pervert". "How is he here around children? " " How does he live like that?" " Why doesn't he unburden us all of his presence and do what should be done to all sick, unwanted animals. It would be a mercy to nboth himself and the world."
Intellectually I know people aren't thinking this. I know they really aren't even concerned with me. Emotionally my cheeks burn, my eyes dry out and my scalp creeps and itches and buzzes. Emotionally my throat closes up and my lungs reject air as stomach acid roils up to tease at my esophagus with pitchforks. All I want to do is hide and maybe just not be for a while. It's weird hating myself like this, and yet still having this huge ego. It is what I must conquer however to really live again.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Regular Features of my Facebook Page
I'm a creative guy sometimes, and I like to occasionally clown around and play games that don't require me to stare my fellow humans in the face. Thus I have created some posts and games that occasionally appear in my Face book. Here is a guide to these entertaining(?) and unusual posts.
GAMES
The Prize for "winning": The standard prize for winning/guessing correctly on any of these games is a free "like" on the page of your choice!
Hard Mode: Each game will have a "Hard Mode" that adds a bit more "Challenge" to the game. If you guess the answer on hard mode I'll "like" two pages of your choice!
Pardon My French: Those of you whom I have subjected to my rather shaky grasp of french ( and my over-reliance on Google Translate) know that I have a penchant for peppering my speech with non-sequiturs that have a certain jen ne sais quoi. Phrases that emphasize my meaning and frankly make me sound intellectual like a house bound homme chauve-souris. In my newest game the challenge is to figure out just what the heck I'm saying. I'll post a phrase in french and it is up to you to make your best guess at a translation. Some of them may even be in proper french! Hard mode: No online translators. Also watch out for the Latin and German flavors!
Guess the Quote: I'll usually correctly(?) attribute any quotes I put on my page to their proper sources. When I fail to do so this is your chance to guess who said it, and if it's from a fictional source where they said it at. Hard mode: Cannot use an internet search engine.
Lyrically challenged: The same as above, but with song lyrics.
FEATURED POSTS
Bad Joke of the day: A joke, usually based around some weird pun I just thought up. I post one and only one on the day I think of 'em.
The Adventures of Rosie Cotton in Middle Earth: Episode titles for a fan-fiction idea I had about Samwise Gamgee's long-suffering fiance Rosie Cotton who gets a yen for travel after Samwise reappears after his year-long jaunt with his best friend. Along the way she meets major players from the Lord of the Rings and hangs out with them. Attending a dinner party with Aragorn and Arwen expounding on feminism with Eowyn, perving over Legolas and the like. Since this is both fan-fiction and utter non-sense she even meets with the deceased villains of the piece, Sauron and Saruman.
Go here, do that!: Looking for fun and interesting stuff to do on the net? Well, stoppit! I'll do it for you! When something like a youtube video, flash game, or article strikes me as particularly edifying I'll pass it on to you, my loving facebook friends!
That's pretty much it for now, but as time goes on I'll add more and retire others. If you have any suggestions feel free to pop me a comment or PM!
-Cameron
GAMES
The Prize for "winning": The standard prize for winning/guessing correctly on any of these games is a free "like" on the page of your choice!
Hard Mode: Each game will have a "Hard Mode" that adds a bit more "Challenge" to the game. If you guess the answer on hard mode I'll "like" two pages of your choice!
Pardon My French: Those of you whom I have subjected to my rather shaky grasp of french ( and my over-reliance on Google Translate) know that I have a penchant for peppering my speech with non-sequiturs that have a certain jen ne sais quoi. Phrases that emphasize my meaning and frankly make me sound intellectual like a house bound homme chauve-souris. In my newest game the challenge is to figure out just what the heck I'm saying. I'll post a phrase in french and it is up to you to make your best guess at a translation. Some of them may even be in proper french! Hard mode: No online translators. Also watch out for the Latin and German flavors!
Guess the Quote: I'll usually correctly(?) attribute any quotes I put on my page to their proper sources. When I fail to do so this is your chance to guess who said it, and if it's from a fictional source where they said it at. Hard mode: Cannot use an internet search engine.
Lyrically challenged: The same as above, but with song lyrics.
FEATURED POSTS
Bad Joke of the day: A joke, usually based around some weird pun I just thought up. I post one and only one on the day I think of 'em.
The Adventures of Rosie Cotton in Middle Earth: Episode titles for a fan-fiction idea I had about Samwise Gamgee's long-suffering fiance Rosie Cotton who gets a yen for travel after Samwise reappears after his year-long jaunt with his best friend. Along the way she meets major players from the Lord of the Rings and hangs out with them. Attending a dinner party with Aragorn and Arwen expounding on feminism with Eowyn, perving over Legolas and the like. Since this is both fan-fiction and utter non-sense she even meets with the deceased villains of the piece, Sauron and Saruman.
Go here, do that!: Looking for fun and interesting stuff to do on the net? Well, stoppit! I'll do it for you! When something like a youtube video, flash game, or article strikes me as particularly edifying I'll pass it on to you, my loving facebook friends!
That's pretty much it for now, but as time goes on I'll add more and retire others. If you have any suggestions feel free to pop me a comment or PM!
-Cameron
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