On Eating the Rich

There are people who act as if killing the rich will solve the world's problems, this simply is not so. If destroying the rich actually worked corruption would have vanished after the French Revolution.

 

  The rich don't need to be killed, they need to be brought low. They need to be forced to scrape by week to week or month to month, they need to be made to have to decide whether they eat, or keep the lights on. They need to know the crushing torent of starting to get a little ahead of things and then having an emergency not only destroy all their progress, but leave them further in the hole than they were at the start. 

 

   It is not until we make them realize that their wealth does not equate to their virtue and that it is nearly impossible to "Work Hard until you make it" in this modern world that any kind of positive societal change can be made. Death, frankly, is too good for the rich, they need to see their version of hell, a world where they're just like everyone else.

Scum who scam and scams from scum.

So I got a phonecall from some scammers again today. I kind of rolled with the punches and didn't give them any information until they hung up. ( After giving me a private number to call, in essence trying to make me do the legwork so they can attempt to bilk money out of me.)

That would have been it. I would not have called the number and we could have all gotten on with our days, but no, the duplicitous little sphincters had the nerve to call me back and ask me why I hadn't yet gone along with the next stage of their little game.

I did something I rarely do. I lost my temper. I cursed the guy on the phone out something fierce and all but promised to pledge myself to their legal and financial destruction. That bit of fight or flight reflex out of the way now I feel sick and scared shitless that this is going to bite me on the ass somehow. I'm barely resisting the urge to cry and am feeling so small and stupid and alone right now. So, on top of everything else my night is ruined. I hate people sometimes.

This page discusses the scam these dickfarts tried to perpetrate on me, if you're curious:

https://www.consumer.ftc.gov/articles/0113-government-grant-scams

Like a Whine Stone Cowboy.

I've had one hell of a coondog bitch of a day from the gitgo.( Shout out to All Samurai Cat fans who got that reference.)
 Clumsy and shaky all day.
Can't type without this damn undeactivatable touch pad sending my cursor to the middle of whatever I'm typing.
Had to fight my way through a bloody crowded Grocery store two days before Thanksgiving (And I need to go back today! I hadn't realized we were that short on milk.)
Being told to talk to my melting down teenage son and having my efforts to that regard ruined by called out angry comments from the person who asked me to talk to him in the first place.
Stayed up all night watching over my eight year old who hates to be touched or interacted with unless it involves her quarter hourly quest for another sippy cup.
 She did sleep for two hours, but she did so in my bed and her dislike of being touched kept me from sharing the space with her.
 I am running on the fumes of a two hour nap + a three hour nap hours later and I've been informed that I should expect to be awake for at least another four to six hours.
On top of all of this nonsense I'm taking a pill that only makes me sicker, but I can't stop taking it because going cold turkey could kill me (The cause of the earlier mentioned shaking and clumsiness.)
I also reverse process caffeine, so I can't even drink a cup or six of coffee to stay awake because all it will do is make me even more tired but with the added fun of being more jittery and sending my ADD and Paranoia through the roof.
I feel tired and alone and recently the people I enjoy interacting with the most have been too busy or too sick or too overwhelmed with life to want to consistently deal with my lame ass problems.
Every day I feel myself dying little by little and I don't know how to make it stop and now I sound like some punk ass emo teenager.
I don't know what to do, but I know I have no choice but to slog through it, even more now that the arthritis in Laura's knees as gotten so bad.
I'm not suicidal, because even if I wanted to take the easy way out I couldn't because I have too much to do here. I have responsibilities I'll never escape owed to people who will be dependent on me until the day I die.
This is too big for me, too big for me by half and again. It is my lot however, and I have to do it.
So forgive me for this, forgive me for indulging myself in some whinging upon occasion.
Forgive me my need for toys and brightly colored people and things to lift my spirits for a while, because not much else does anymore.
Forgive these words spoken through a tired, vibrating haze while my five year old plays youtube videos that sound as if they lifted their soundtracks from some Christian Flagellant's version of hell. I'll be okay soon, I have to be. Until then, please keep an eye out for me, pray for me, cast a spell for me, or send me thoughts and energy. Do whatever you think will help, I'm going to need it.
I thank-you all for putting up with me and with this. I thank you all for reading this and hopefully not exploding into anger or taking offense by what was written. I meant no harm, I just need to get it off my chest and there was no other way to do it, not that didn't involve me being even more of an asshole anyway. Writing this has calmed me down a bit already, though I am no less tired. I need to take my anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, and those damnable ADD pills again. Think of me if you can and have a pleasant and happy day and holiday thereafter.
      Much Love,
-Cameron

Racism and Hatred and Bile, Oh My!

Here are some facebook posts that will lose me friends that I've posted today. Enjoy!!

I hate being the voice of dissent, but sometimes things need to be said. We can't live our lives in an echo-chamber. We can't only listen to the voices that agree with us. We'll get nowhere and start to only see the differences between ourselves and those who do not share our point of view rather than the similarities.
Every day I am exposed to opinions that might differ from mine and every day I consider those opinions. I at least give them thought. It rarely leads me to agreement, but it does keep my brain from transforming people I like and love into ideological enemies. Here are some things to think on.

 On the subject of the Charleston Shooter and no-one blaming him personally:

     No, I blame him. He was a sick, racist piece of shit. The thing is you don't become a sick, racist piece of shit in a vacuum. Ultimately, he made the decision to pull that trigger and that's all on him. However, someone put that gun in his hand and a pervasive atmosphere of Racism magnified through the funhouse mirror of the internet were all a factor in him making that decision. He is singularly responsible for the reprehensible actions he took, but if we do not take the time to understand what lead to those actions we are not going to be able to stop the next domestic terrorist, or the one after that, or the one after that.

      We need to understand how this kind of hate is bred if we are ever going to effectively stomp it out. Otherwise it just becomes a series of shootouts and barbarism. A million "Good Guys" with guns aren't going to put a stop to this kind of act. They will ultimately only increase the body count as innocents are caught in the crossfires of their battles. Psychology, understanding and a real effort to eliminate the underlying factors that influence these kind of decisions will.

On why there is no Straight or White Pride parade:


  It also helps to look into context, especially in an international arena. There are communities and countries in the world where being gay is a literal, "Men will drag you away to jail to be executed, possibly via pretty brutal methods" death sentence. In this country the color of your skin can still literally determine whether or not you can practice your religion without being forcibly ventilated, even when that religion is the religion of the majority, shared by the terrorist who committed the act. Even other white nationalities such as the Welsh or the Irish have felt the boot heel of European/British colonialism on their backs.

   There is really no place in the world where the pride of white, straight people is not/has not been felt in one way or another and most often in the most violent, negative way possible. You want to know why there is no straight pride parade on a specific day of the year? It's because all one has to do is look down the streets where the powerful tread to see one every day of the year. You want to know why celebrating White Pride is looked down upon or why there's no "White History Month"? Because "White Pride" is the status quo. It's all around us. Being white is now and throughout history has been nothing to be ashamed of. It is celebrated every day black victims are called "thugs" because of pictures they posted on facebook and white killers are called "Quiet" or "Soft spoken" and their acts of terror called, "Mistakes" by the media. Every month is white history month and every day is straight pride day.

    Having pride in your culture isn't bad. There is nothing wrong with being glad you are who you are and how you got to be who you are, but also realize that there are people who haven't been able to do so until now, and even still get a boatload of shit for it. Not just here, but all over the world. We've (( Hey I'm not only straight and 88/100ths White, but also a cis-gendered, cis-sexual [Most of the time] Male! Trust me, I am the Oppressor.)) been celebrating our pride and our history for so long. It only seems right to let others do so too, right?

On Respect for Fallen Soldiers

Someone on my face book feed posted the another version of this picture earlier today. Only the bottom caption read, "Then you don't have a heart."  This upset me slightly, because, despite how moldy, small, and shriveled it may be, I do have a heart. I also have something else. It's called respect. It's a quality that the person who made the click/share bait version of this picture apparently lacks.
        Look at the people in this picture, look at them. Look at the man who fell doing the things most of us cannot do to defend our country. Look at the woman who is staring at him, look at the heartbroken child reaching for someone he'll never hug, or play with, or talk to again. Look at the pain, look at the grief. It's real, it's palpable. It's tragic.  IT'S NOT A FUCKING MEME! 

       Do you think these people gave permission for the picture of one of their darkest times to be turned into a face book popularity booster and judgment tool? Do you think this funeral was held for the benefit of do nothings who want to feel smug by posting a picture they were not personally involved in and then making an assumption about those who won't wallow in the same sense of superiority?  Do the people who post this kind of garbage really think the world revolves around them that much?   I'm pretty much willing to say that "No" is probably the answer to the first question. As for the others; who can tell?
     All I know is this. I won't share the picture as it was. I won't share it, not because I lack a heart and the human empathy that comes with it, but because no matter how small, moldy and disused it is I do have one.  Respect our fallen warriors, my friends, grieve with and where you can, help out their families. Don't share in their humiliation, Don't share pictures that guilt other people into sharing them. They deserve better than that. 

Thank-you,
-Cameron

Subtitles and Suffixes

On today's episode of first world problems: You know what gets my goat? When Dubs or subtitles on anime put a character's first name in the dialogue or on the screen when they're actually being called by their last name. I suppose this is a bit more okay in a dubbing situation where dialogue timing/ lip flap timing might be an issue, but it's really discordant in subtitles as you hear the character say the other character's last name and suffix.

          Japan hosts a very stuffy culture and the way someone addresses someone else holds a world of importance. According to nearly everything I've read or heard about the language even people who have been close friends for YEARS never, EVER call each other by their first name. Being on a first name basis with someone implies intimacy on the scale of being someone's lover or immediate family member. They should at least be able to get it right in subtitles. Anyway, enough whining from me. Just thought I'd get that out there.

How may I Lovecraft your sandwich today?

So, I was thinking of opening a Cthulhu Mythos themed sandwich shop. 

"Dagon's Sandwich Shack; where all the food is crafted with love."  

Here are some of the menu options I've come up with:

• The Sandwich over Innsmouth: A 12 inch sub with turkey on the first 4 inches, Chicken on the next 4 inches and Tuna on the last 4 inches.

• The Sandwich out of time: (Our Paleo option)Thinly sliced roast Bison served with shaved carrots and cabbage on Cashew Pancakes. For Hardcore Paleo Lovers we’ll even hide the ingredients in certain (Absolutely sanitary) places in our restaurant and let you hunt and gather your sandwich yourself!

• The Dunwich:(Our  low carb/ Gluten Free Option): Any of our sandwiches stuffed into the hollowed out and lightly roasted mantle of a squid.

• The Color out of Sandwich: (Our Vegetarian/Vegan Option)Portabella Mushroom Caps marinated in a mixture of olive oil, red wine vinegar and fresh basil and thyme, grilled and served on lettuce, onion and tomato and Crusty Italian Bread dyed with beet juice. Vegan customers can request the same wrapped in red cabbage! Comes with unlimited well drinks!

So what do you think? Sound appetizing? Would you buy a Franchise? Have an idea for a mythos based sandwich of your own? Leave ‘em in the comments below! Thank-you!

-Cameron

Friendship, Pop-Culture, and other difficult things

Sometimes I wish I had it in me to be a better friend. I know I'm not a very good one, I mean I'm there to listen and I can commiserate with the best of 'em, but once the clouds have passed my usefulness kind of comes to an end. I don't know what to say or how to say it. Beyond the basics of greetings and status checks I'm pretty much lost. I don't know how to move things along, how to create a conversation the way that other people seem to do. I don't have a lot to talk about.

    I'm not, it turns out, a very interesting person. I have a few hobbies, but even within those I have a pretty narrow band of interest and beyond that I get befuddled. Throughout my existence I've either been too poor, too busy, or too religious to form the kind of bonds other people do with their hobbies. It astounds me sometimes. A lot of times it makes me envious. Mostly it makes me boring.

    Ask me about a movie, 95 times out of 100 I haven't seen it. Even the (Apparently) best movies in the world have escaped me. I've never seen Pulp Fiction, or Reservoir Dogs, or The Boondock Saints. I've never seen End of Evangelion or Porco Rosso or More than like a half-hour of Princess Mononoke. I've never seen any of the Iron Man movies, or the Captain America: The Winter Soldier, or Thor: The Dark World. I've never seen Citizen Kane, or The Day the Earth Stood Still or Dial M for Murder. I've missed out on a lot. I'd be here for a solid year if I continued to list the movies I haven't seen.  I think a pretty solid rule about this situation would be, if I haven't mentioned it before I more than likely haven't seen it. 

     The same goes with TV shows. I've seen and liked most of Sherlock, but I've only seen one episode or so of Elementary, I haven't seen most of Lost, or Twin Peaks, Or Friends, or Seinfeld or Two and a Half Men or Downton Abbey or Once Upon a Time or Arrested Development, or Firefly or Big Bang Theory. I tried REALLY hard to watch Doctor Who. I couldn't get into it. I KNOW about it through reading and Wiki-Walks and Memes, but I haven't seen it. I haven't had the time, or the interest, or the ability to watch these things and because of it there are times when I just have nothing to say to people who assume anyone who has hit a certain age has grown up with them. 

    Don't even get me started on video games. My friend Manna has heard "Oh, I've never played that." out of me so many times he probably mouths it whenever he asks me about a video game title. I've played video games, I enjoy video games. I just haven't played very many and am not very diverse in the titles I enjoy. If you enjoy video games and assume I do as well, our conversations are going to more than likely be pretty darn frustrating. 

    The same goes with Music, or Art or Books. I like them all, but in very narrow strokes and I tend to enjoy things that or either too popular for "Real Fans" of the mediums to enjoy or not popular enough for most people to be able to relate too. ( Am I a hipster? Nah, couldn't be.) 

   I feel (Surprise, surprise) guilty and paranoid about these things. I feel as if I've failed others when I don't know about the stuff they enjoy and I've got so much to catch up on that the sheer volume of it actually, literally frightens me. I'm not being figurative here, I feel literal fear when I think of all the media I absolutely MUST catch up on to mirror the interests of my friends. I will never catch up. I will never broaden my interests that much. I will never, ever be good enough. 

   I've lost friends over this,not talked with people I genuinely like because I've been afraid that I'll be too boring or not hip enough to their particular jive. I've been weak, stupid, and a bad friend.   I'm afraid that this will be one of the things that eventually chases everyone out of my life. Not the only thing by far, but one aspect of it. I don't know if I can change. I'm making the effort, I really am, but in the end I wonder if I'll ever know enough.

    I wonder if I'll ever be good enough...
-Cameron

Thoughts on Moderation

Look people, it's like this.

You can be incensed that a police officer killed
an innocent person based on the color of their skin
and still be supportive of police in general.

You can be angry that people who took their religion
far too seriously decided to take the lives of car-
toonists and writers and still acknowledge that
a vast majority of the adherents of said religion
don't think or feel that way.

You can hate war and hate those at the root of
war and still honor and support the soldiers
that are willing to spill their blood so that
we do not have to.

It's okay to know that racism exists and that
the current system deals out priveleges to
white people and still acknowledge things
such as classism and know that despite
the priveleges white people get not all of
them are living idyllic lives free from
suffering or oppression.

You can be both cis and heterosexual and
still not have to feel hated,
afraid or threatened that
transgender and homosexual people want
need, and deserve equal rights.

Alternately you can be of a non binary
gender and a non heterosexual orientation
and not have to hate or think bad of every
person who is both cis or hetero or any
combination thereof.

You can support the right for responsible
citizens to own and bear firearms and
still want measures take to make sure
those who are unstable or irresponsible
don't get ahold of them.

You can be a straight man and not
have to objectify or hate women.

You can be a woman...well, sadly
no, you can't really be a woman and
not be afraid of men. Sorry guys, but
our track record and the society we've
built around it kind of speaks for
itself.

There are terrible things around us.
Tragedies abound and hatred is a real
serious thing in the world. What breeds
this hatred and births these tragedies
however is the idea that absolutes exist
in the world. That things have to be one
thing or another. That a person has to be
either rabidly for something or
violently against it.

Not everything has to be serious. Some
things are meant to be fun and enjoyable
and don't have secret messages or meanings.

Right, Left, Straight, Gay, Cis, Trans
Black, White, Rich and Poor. All of
these words mean something and are im
portant, but maybe we, as a group of
thinking and feeling beings have allowed
them to mean too much. They divide us.

Isn't it time we stopped considering
how different we are from one another
and started concentrating on how alike
we all are? Isn't it time, not to elim
inate titles, but to allow them to be
descriptors rather than definitions?

We are the ones building these walls
but we are not reaping any benefits
from them. The time and energy being
used could be put toward actually
making the world a better place.

We don't have to carry a chip on
our shoulders. None of us has any
thing to prove. We can relax, really
it's okay.

We are all human beings. We are all
the same kind, the same family. We
could be going so far if we'd only
remember that.

Then again, I could be doing the
same thing. You don't have to
agree with me, I suppose. As
long as we can still see that
having different opinions does
not have to make us enemies. We should
be fine.

-C Emrys Carrington.

Unsettling thoughts #1

Sometimes certain facts and theories about fictions and fandoms strike me weirdly. This is one of the thoughts I've had recently:
       It has been theorized by some in the pokemon fandom that all the creatures in the pokemon world are in fact just different strains of Pokemon. This includes human beings. My question is this? If humans are pokemon, what prevents other people from beating the crap out of them and capturing them in pokeballs. This would take stalking in a whole, new, terrifying direction. Imagine if you could literally imprison and carry your crush with you every where you go, if you could keep them in a state of suspended animation, alive and in your power, but not accessible forever. Imagine if someone with a crush did that to you!

              I know that this has probably, hopefully, been disproven or debunked by now. I also know I'm kind of bent for even thinking about it, but then again when you think of things like Lavender Town, Cubone, and Yamask, it's probably not all that farfetched. (( See what I did there?)) So, it's time for you, my dear readers, to weigh in. What do you think of this idea? Do you find it frightening? Is it possible or impossible considering other bits of the pokelore? I look forward to your comments.

-Cameron Carrington

Thoughts on Manhood

I expect to lose some "friends" after this, but I've been so damn miffed and hurt about it that I can't keep silent anymore. There are days when I wake up and hate the fact that I am a man. Not because I feel oppressed, not because I don't acknowledge that because of my mental gender and physical sex I have privileges that people who don't share these qualities do not.  I am well aware that in the lottery of life through the sheerest chance the irresponsible idiot that fertilized my egg gave me the chromosome that basically puts me ahead of the game in this society. No, I sometimes hate being a man for another reason entirely.  I am ashamed by the stupid shit my gender/sex says and does.

           If you think the friendzone exists, you need to unfriend me. If you think that you are entitled to sex and or a relationship because you spend money on or time with a woman, you need to unfriend me. I can't say that I never embraced these concepts, but I can say that I've grown the hell up and taken a look at things and discarded these childish and frankly dangerous notions. These delusional ideas and the depersonalization and hatred they espouse and inspire cost the men who hold to them respect, time, and the very relationships they aspire to. These delusional ideas kill.

           If you in any way believe the UCSB shooter was right and or justified in what he did you need to unfriend me. You need to sit down and contemplate what it is to have innocent blood on your hands because you felt entitled to an individual's person, life and body. You need to stop and wonder why your brain is so out of whack that you equate women with fleshlights. You need to get the fuck away from me before you go around the bend in the same way. You need to get away from me before you decide to injure and kill other people and possibly even yourself for a pseudo philosophy of paranoia that makes even a mentally ill person like myself shudder. You need help of a type I am unqualified to give.

            Don't dare come at me with this "It's not all men." garbage either. Shit like this makes it all men. Creepers in malls make it all men, rapists and rape apologists make it all men. Men who feel entitled to and whine about women not being subservient or attracted to them make it all men. Why? It's simple, because it could be any man. The man walking down the street with his hands in his pockets could be looking for a victim. The man sitting on a bus could be coveting a woman who's name he may not even know like she was a car, or a thousand dollar bill and wondering why he shouldn't just take her. A woman cannot actually know what any man at any time is thinking. Every time something like the above happens, any time some idiot loses control of himself and does something disgusting and sub-human it makes it a lot less safe for any woman to be near any man. She cannot be sure that all men aren't predators, what she can be sure of is that if something does happen to her it is more than likely that everyone from her own family to the media will be looking for reasons that it is her fault. Despite the fact that this senseless thing happened was done to her, for no discernible reason, she knows that everyone is going to try to pin the blame on her. So don't give me this "Not all men " bullshit, because it might as well be.

        We do it to ourselves. This society, built by and for men, pushes these roles upon us. It tells us that it's okay to be out of control animals, that men should aspire to be as such. Action movie heroes, sports players, musicians, even our own schools and government tell us that the ideal man is one of violent action and sexual debauchery. They tell us that it is women who must give up their comfort and individuality because men are all barely controlled lust engines and the sight of the slightest bit of alluring skin might topple our reason and force us to do horrible things to them. This male run society devalues men, just not as much as it devalues women.

        I know everything isn't peaches and cream simply because a person has twigs and berries. Men are a lot less likely to gain custody of children for instance and male rape and molestation by females is a reality of which I myself am a survivor. We fuck those things up for ourselves as well though. This male built society favors women in custody battles not because they assume women are the ideal parents, but because we are taught that women can and should be the caretakers, that a man does not and should not want to shoulder the responsibility of parenthood. Men who report rape or molestation by women are laughed at or have their manhood questioned because how could a man not want to have sex? Once the uglies start to bump this male built society tells us our minds and souls should shut up and let our body enjoy it. Men hurt themselves because they have built a society around the idea that women are less than them.  We do it to ourselves, like little kids blaming the stove but refusing to take their hands off the burner.

      So yes, some days I hate being a man. I hate being associated with all of this garbage. I can't escape it however, because I am a man and all of us are responsible for our actions, no matter how much we wish we weren't.

Random Thoughts and things I want that will probably never happen.

I want a new, non-hentai Valis game. I'm talking the real deal, animated cut scenes, a plot copy and pasted out of Leda: The Fantastic Adventures of Yohko. A girl, a pleated mini-skirt, some improbable armor and a sword. Monsters would die, Bishounen evil generals would dramatically kick the bucket and the magic of dreams would save the day. I want it so badly I can taste it. Heck, you could even throw in the occasional panty-flash for the fanservice crowd. I can't decide if I'd like it to be a 2d platformer or a an experience like Lollipop Chainsaw or Bayonetta, but if it had the above criteria and was decently playable I would sell vital bodily fluids to get my grubby little paws on it either way. It would be even better if the character could be customized, still cute and anime-ish, but with different facial features, eyes, body-types and general costumes available. Heck, the costume pieces could be found in game to enhance replay value.

        Perhaps it is foolish to dream however. It seems, sadly, that the era of video-gaming that would produce such a game is long gone. Everything now a days stars generic buzz cut soldiers of either the terrestrial or extra terrestrial subtype. Strong female characters either draw the wrath of the gaming community or are made into submissive jokes. They even managed to spay Samus Aran, the original badass bitch of gaming, making her into nothing but a panting doe-eyed lustbucket who bases whether or not she can do something on the say so of her crush/"infinitely wiser" commanding officer. Fuck that. Do not want.

      I want strong female characters in games. I want women who would and do rescue their boyfriends instead of vice versa. It doesn't mean she has to be a slab of muscle, it doesn't mean she still can't be sexy and stylish while doing it, it does mean that she kicks ass and makes no bones about it. I want a female hero. I want her to be written as a woman, not as a man in panty-hose. Is that so much to ask?

      Yes, she'll be sexualized. That's inevitable. I don't particularly care about that. I'm sad that it would have to happen on one hand, on the other hand however I am a great fan of Hentai, so I don't really have room to talk. There will be rule 34, and a great deal of it, because the current society cannot stand to have a female character that hasn't been brought to heel in some way shape or form. I just want the hero, the character, and the kick-ass game that would host her and I'm sure fans of the Valis series and other games such as the Guardian Legend would agree with me.

     Sadly I am not a game programmer and can't currently afford to higher someone to do so for me. I don't think my ideas and initial sketches would catch anyone's eye on kickstarter. So for now my dream will remain a dream. Maybe one day the gaming community will grow up and I'll get something along the lines of what I want. In the meanwhile I can always dream...

                                    Thank-you for taking the time to read this and listen to my thoughts. Comments are welcome below. Have a good day gentle readers.
-Cameron Carrington

Paranoia and Ego

The odd thing about being paranoid is the way it clashes with my trademark low self-esteem.  In order to be paranoid you have to believe that people consider you worth the time to hate. In my head I know this is not true. No one is paying attention to me. They have their own lives and concerns to focus on. Emotionally though... I feel it. I see it. I hear it. Every glance, every whisper,every laugh. I see them all, feel them all, and instinctively I decode their meanings. "Filthy", "Fat","Pervert". "How is he here around children? " " How does he live like that?" " Why doesn't he unburden us all of his presence and do what should be done to all sick, unwanted animals. It would be a mercy to nboth himself and the world."
    Intellectually I know people aren't thinking this. I know they really aren't even concerned with me. Emotionally my cheeks burn, my eyes dry out and my scalp creeps and itches and buzzes. Emotionally my throat closes up and my lungs reject air as stomach acid roils up to tease at my esophagus with pitchforks. All I want to do is hide and maybe just not be for a while. It's weird hating myself like this, and yet still having this huge ego. It is what I must conquer however to really live again.

Regular Features of my Facebook Page

I'm a creative guy sometimes, and I like to occasionally clown around and play games that don't require me to stare my fellow humans in the face. Thus I have created some posts and games that occasionally appear in my Face book. Here is a guide to these entertaining(?) and unusual posts.

                                                                   GAMES
The Prize for "winning": The standard prize for winning/guessing correctly on any of these games is a free "like" on the page of your choice!

Hard Mode: Each game will have a "Hard Mode" that adds a bit more "Challenge" to the game. If you guess the answer on hard mode I'll "like" two pages of your choice!

Pardon My French: Those of you whom I have subjected to my rather shaky grasp of french ( and my over-reliance on Google Translate) know that I have a penchant for peppering my speech with non-sequiturs that have a certain jen ne sais quoi. Phrases that emphasize my meaning and frankly make me sound intellectual like a house bound homme chauve-souris. In my newest game the challenge is to figure out just what the heck I'm saying. I'll post a phrase in french and it is up to you to make your best guess at a translation. Some of them may even be in proper french! Hard mode: No online translators. Also watch out for the Latin and German flavors!

Guess the Quote: I'll usually correctly(?) attribute any quotes I put on my page to their proper sources. When I fail to do so this is your chance to guess who said it, and if it's from a fictional source where they said it at. Hard mode: Cannot use an internet search engine.

Lyrically challenged: The same as above, but with song lyrics.

                                                            FEATURED POSTS
Bad Joke of the day: A joke, usually based around some weird pun I just thought up. I post one and only one on the day I think of 'em.

The Adventures of Rosie Cotton in Middle Earth: Episode titles for a fan-fiction idea I had about Samwise Gamgee's  long-suffering fiance Rosie Cotton who gets a yen for travel after Samwise reappears after his year-long jaunt with his best friend. Along the way she meets major players from the Lord of the Rings and hangs out with them. Attending a dinner party with Aragorn and Arwen expounding on feminism with Eowyn, perving over Legolas and the like. Since this is both fan-fiction and utter non-sense she even meets with the deceased villains of the piece, Sauron and Saruman.

Go here, do that!: Looking for fun and interesting stuff to do on the net? Well, stoppit! I'll do it for you! When something like a youtube video, flash game, or article strikes me as particularly edifying I'll pass it on to you, my loving facebook friends!

That's pretty much it for now, but as time goes on I'll add more and retire others. If you have any suggestions feel free to pop me a comment or PM!
-Cameron

Leadership.

A rant, copied and pasted from Face book after reading this article: http://pol.moveon.org/waronwomen/

Ladies and gentlemen, these are the people who we elect as our LEADERS! They want to rob from widows and orphans and line their own pockets. It's STUPID. I don't care about how you feel about a free market place. I don't care how you feel about guns. I don't care how you feel about god. I do care when people like my mother, who raised me essentially on her own, and other hard working women are seen as being less important than FARM ANIMALS! 

      As for the Christians in the audience riddle me this. Isn't self determination and free will a part of the Christian faith? Doesn't forcing your rules on to others invalidate those rules? People must be allowed to make their own physical and spiritual choices. Where would you be in your mythos if god had killed David before he could bed Bathsheba or Destroyed Judas before he could betray Christ? No where! Choices must be made and people must be free to make those choices if your faith is to be validated. I am not saying that I consider anything a sin, mind you, that isn't for me to judge, but if you're so confident people are doing wrong, let them make that choices and let your god sort them out. Or are you afraid that, unlike yourselves, he might show a little mercy? 


   The republican attacks against Women, the LGBT movement, and the poor in this country are nothing more than sheer voyeurism. They only wish to watch people suffer while they revel in their control over the masses. They are not faithful servants of any god, they are not qualified to be our leaders. They are voyeurs who need human misery to make them feel alive. The thing is that we, the American people, choose these "leaders" and it's time to stop making such bad decisions. We need to start being a strong people and shake off these abusive fools instead of a co-dependent country that keeps saying, "They only abuse us because they love us...really..." Wake up USA.

About Borrowing Heroes.

I come from an odd place in this. I am, I would hope, a very accepting person. I try to allow an individual's character to determine my attitude toward them rather than their looks or their race. Sometimes I fail in this regard, but I do try. I also follow a creed where each culture should be considered on their own merits, and the mores and traditions of that culture not looked down upon simply because the person taking the culture in comes from another culture. I am a lover of myths and legends and a believer in the power of great stories and characters to have a transformative effect on a person's life or perceptions. Today however, I am feeling a bit bigoted. I am unreasonably annoyed at something, something I'd normally just let pass or slide off my back, but with the stresses of moving and the fact that my children have already managed to put crayon on the walls of my new apartment when we haven't been there a full week yet has made this particular molehill into a mountain of huffiness. Not anger, mind you, just mean-spirited grouchy annoyance.

Those of you who are sensitive, unwilling to read what is more than likely a rationalization for something psychologically and socially wrong with me that I need to have adjusted, or looking for outright racism, should probably jump off here. Everyone else, welcome to my confession. Flames go in the comment boxes below.

I'm miffed at Dora the Explorer for making Merlin Spanish. Yes, Merlin the Magician, Myrddin Wyllt or Myrddin Emrys to some. Adviser to King Arthur and generally, outside of Odin/Wotan the prototypical Old Man Wizard figure. A WELSH wizard figure. My last name, Myers, is Welsh in Origin, and speaks of an Infusion of Welsh blood into my Cherokee ancestors at some point. The entire Arthurian cycle, something that I have always been fascinated by, has its roots in Wales. Merlin, for all his popularity is a Welsh figure, and as someone who believes that the stories of other cultures should be preserved and appreciated for being a part of the culture from whence they came it made me a little upset to see him suddenly transformed into a Spanish figure.

I have nothing against Spanish or Latino people. They have a rich culture and a deep and interesting history. I do not look at them and sneer or feel as if I am better than them. There is no hatred here. I am not upset at the show for making Merlin specifically Spanish. I am upset at them for changing his race at all. I am upset at them for saying, "All these wonderful stories, all of these tales from which this unique character sprung, which are a product of a unique and rich culture. They're garbage. We need a wizard character and we're going to take this one and because the focus of the show is teaching children Spanish he is going to be Spanish as well."

Now, imagine for a moment, that there is a show that focuses on teaching kids say, German, or Japanese. Imagine they want a great warrior for an episode they are writing and decided to go with El Cid. El Cid, or Rodrigo Díaz de Vivar was a great warrior of Castilian descent and continues to have stories written about him to this day. He was and will remain undeniably Spanish in origin. Imagine though, if this show made him into a German Mercenary, or a Samurai, or for a more contemporary example, if they made Shaggy Roberts and Scooby-Doo into Nigerian Princes. That would piss me off just as much as Dora making Merlin Spanish, again, not because of the way they are transforming them, but because they are transforming them at all.

There is not much that I can do about this, of course. Nickelodeon is not likely to change the Editorial Mandates on Dora the Explorer any time soon and starting a petition or something would not only be pointless, but may attract the type of person that I do try to avoid, racists who would sign something of that nature simply because they hate rather than because they have a legitimate bee in their bonnet about adulterating another culture's stories and heroes. So I will take this opportunity to complain before getting back to my homework. Again, if you are offended by my opinions here, I apologize that you feel that way. This article was not written with any kind of racial hatred in mind. I just happen to have an opinion and felt like flapping my lips about it on line. Feel free to comment, but also know that if the comment you leave is meant specifically to be hurtful to me or hateful to another person, race, religion or creed, it will be removed. It's my blog and I will do with it as I may. Post Script: Yes, I am aware that it may be somewhat hypocritical of me to have such a high admiration for both Saber and Saber Nero from Fate/ Stay Night and Fate/ Extra respectively. However, despite changing their genders the over all narratives of the games do not change their stories or cultures. (( Arturia still deals with Lancelot and Guinevere's betrayal, dies at the battle of Camlan and generally lives the tales. Nero uses Roman terms, speaks about her reign and gives a relatively factual account of Rome of Nero's time and the end of Nero's reign.)) I can handle a small change, especially if it adds another dimension to the character or story, otherwise I would not have been able to read and enjoy Mallory, T.H. White and Steinbeck, but the wholesale invalidation of the culture the story comes from due to editorial mandate still burns my muffins a bit.

My Depression

I am currently in the midst of one of my lows. Those areas in my life where thinks become too much to deal with and I either have to break or BREAK. Before we begin here there are a few things that the reader must understand. I am always depressed, the medications help me to take the edge off and be able to function, but the  doldrums are constant and persistent. This is more than just being sad or emo, this is a constant, heavy weight on my mind, heart, and soul and even at my happiest, it is always there. Most times it's controlled, most times I can fight it back and put on the face of a normal person. Sometimes I can't. There are no particular triggers, no words or phrases that drop me into these holes, it isn't like reminders of the accident which cause my flashbacks to it. Sometimes it's different words, or phrases, or smells or sights or sounds, sometimes they repeat, sometimes they don't. Sometimes it's nothing at all. It does happen and it is real. I am not seeking attention, I am not faking, or lying or exaggerating. That isn't the point of this. Even this post isn't the cry for attention it seems to be, rather it stands as a ritual of naming, and attempt to bring things under my control by naming them and making them known instead of unknown with power over me.
      It usually happens like this. I notice the fact that I'm more grouchy or dragging tail. Invariably if I'm snapping at people or stupidly lazy (which is different from my most efficient intelligent laziness or my usual apathetic laziness.) that it's going to be a dark day. If I were a werewolf, this would be the bleeding pentagram on my hand. Sometimes I can fight this off, sometimes I can shake the doldrums or snap myself out of the grouchiness. When I catch it, I try my hardest, but sometimes, like today, I don't catch it in time. Then comes the eye for detail. The tendency of my brain to find each and every failing I have, am currently, or will be involved in and magnify it in obsessively loving detail. This is molehill mountainism  in it's largest form. Every mistake is magnified, every move, every breath sure to offend someone. I am trapped in between paranoia and self-loathing to the point where everything just seems to be hopeless. It seems that fighting anymore would just be a waste of time and energy. I have to fight it though. Laura helps me through a lot, but sometimes I feel like I'm abusing her, taking advantage of her kindness and burning her out.  MY depression is killing her and making her life miserable. I figure that if I weren't such a fuck-up that she could have a much happier life. The kids need watching, the house needs cleaning, my schoolwork needs doing. All of these demand my time and attention. Sometimes that's enough to drown out the noise, sometimes it makes it even worse. Next comes the hatred. Hatred of others, sure, anger, envy, even my friends are sometimes a part of it. I don't mean it, and I don't really HATE them, I just feel so angry and annoyed that I want to scream and the worst part is, I know there's no reason to be. I know that what I'm feeling is terrible and unjustified and mean and stupid. I cannot help feeling it though. This brings on the true loathing. The loathing of myself. The reminder that no matter how much I try to hide it or shove it down, THIS is who I really am, petty, vindictive, hateful, mean. I can deny it all I want, deep down I am ugly and terrible. At least this is how I feel. Sometimes I can talk myself out of it, sometimes I can reason with myself and point out things that prove that I am not that way. (Please don't think of it as vanity, it has saved my life before.) Sometimes the words ring hollow.
           If I can't stop myself by this point this is when the sadness hits. The real, true, bone-numbing, life sucking sadness. The kind of sadness that feels like someone is pushing a shovel through your sternum or gleefully staring down at you through a pillow. The kind of complete and total worthlessness that causes real physical pain, the kind of pain that death is preferable to. Sometimes it really does seem that way. Fate was with me both times in my life when I attempted to poison myself. When I was alone and in the quiet and able to even consider the ultimate selfish act of suicide. I told no-one (Until much later) and called no attention to it. I didn't want anyone to know. I didn't want anyone to care. I just wanted the pain, the horrible, horrible emotional pain to go away. Thankfully I suck at poisoning so I woke with little more than a screaming head-ache and the kind of vomiting that makes you want to go back in time and punch your mother in the stomach, the point is I have tried before, I do know what it is like, and by the grace of the God and the Goddess I survived. I've wanted to again since then, but now I have too many people around me, too many people who would for reasons I can't fathom, be saddened by my absence from the world. I don't think I ever will kill myself, but that doesn't mean I don't think about it, and unless I really trust you or you are a medical professional, you will never know when I do. I do not do this to seek attention or win people over. I hate that I am this weak and think of harming or destroying myself. Others, unless they can help me, do not need to be involved. Don't take this as an insult, or an indication that I think less of you. That isn't the case, I just believe that if it is to be done it should be done quickly and quietly and without the involvement of others.  I won't, like I said, too many people would be hurt and would live worse lives dealing with it if I did than makes the effort worth the while. I refuse to make my kids suffer like that, but that doesn't mean that sometimes I'd really like to.  The sadness is terrible and it builds and builds and builds, it gnaws, it grinds and it hangs like a stone around my neck. It eventually gets to a point where I can't do anything but break. Sometimes in a small way, sometimes I just shake and whisper to myself until I get back under control. Sometimes in a large way where I cry and shake and hurt and want to hurt more, where I can barely keep my legs or stand to be looked at. Times like tonight when I had to run like a coward and weep like a child into my blanket until I can get myself back under control and start the fight again.  Sometimes I win, Sometimes I lose, but it always hurts. I can live with the hurt though, I can control it and sometimes I can do things like this to put it into perspective and make it seem more the size it actually is instead of the size it seems to be. Sometimes, I can feel better, even if it is easier not to.
    Before I go, please allow me to say that the symptoms I experience aren't always the same and don't always flow the way I listed them in the article. I only listed them in that way to emphasize the way the experience grows and swells and recedes.  I don't know if anyone will read this, a part of me, even if I am about to post this basically on the most colorful and brightest light pole in the history of the devices hopes that no one will. If you do however, I'd like you to take one thing away with you. There is always SOMEONE, somewhere who has felt something similar. You are not alone, you are not pathetic, and you are not really weak. It may feel like it, but the fact that you're still here, reading this alone is a testament to your strength and strength of character.  If you've gone through similar things, then now you know I have too. If your issues take different paths, I can guarantee that someone, somewhere has a similar story to tell. In the most positive way possible ( Being paranoid I can think of several very negative ways to be with others)  each of us somewhere has someone who knows what it is like, in this instance, to be us.  This fact helps me sometimes, it is useful to know.
    So this is it. In the best way I can describe it, the way I feel when I'm at my worst. Typing it out and naming it has helped and I hope that reading this, if it ever does get read, will help others. Good night dear readers. I think I'm going to take a nap to get rid of this exhaustion and try again tomorrow. Wish me luck.
-Cameron

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Geekery

Edited together from Facebook posts.
On Zecora and the Weather:
 Zecora, as far as I have been able to tell is from a nation other than Equestria where Zebras are the dominant species. Her presence was the first sign that Equestria is only a nation on the pony world and not the world itself. Though it may be a Superpower.


The Everfree forest adopts what to us would be natural weather patterns in the like due to the influence of Nightmare Moon, it's implied that it was the seat of her initial rebellion against Celestia and that Nightmare Moon was somehow able to break Celestia's power over it. However that may not be a good thing as the weather always seems to be overcast and gloomy and dangerous aberrations such as Chimeras and Cockatrice are bred there.


 Equestria may be the only nation on the Pony world where Celestia holds power over the weather and thus over everything.
That having been said, holy smokes am I a geek.


When asked for my justification that the Pony World might be post Apocalyptic, my response was as follows:
Simple. Mankind screwed up damaged the planet and ruined the environment nearly beyond repair resulting in mutations both dangerous, such as Discord, Dragons, Gorgons and Chimeras dire, and benevolent, such as the ponies who have adapted to a degree where they have a measure of direct control of their environment. The Alicorns are more than likely an artificial offshoot of such designed specifically to keep the specific pony populations in check and discourage them from abusing their direct manipulation of their environment in the same way as the last intelligent species (mankind) abused their indirect manipulation of such.

PETA Attacks Mario For Wearing Tanooki Fur - Forbes

PETA Attacks Mario For Wearing Tanooki Fur - Forbes:

'via Blog this'

My Facebook rant consolidated

I will worry about the plight of the animals when we humans get our shit together. When Tolerance and understanding is chosen over hate and warfare, when people are no longer denied lifesaving procedures and items that help protect against the spread of disease because of religious fallacy, when sexuality (as long as it involves consenting adults) is not considered an indicator of a person's character, when we start celebrating our similarities instead of being torn apart by our differences. THAT is when I'll be concerned about whether the chicken experienced any stress as it made its way to my plate. Others can think what they will as long as they don't stomp on other people to get their way, and I will respect their right to do so. I however plan to happily enjoy life being the omnivore that nature intended me to be.

Speaking one's mind is never a bad thing. Shouting in a person's ear is another. PETA does a lot of shouting, a lot of outright bullying and associates with known criminals that have hurt their fellow human-beings on purpose. It does so willingly and without a shred of remorse. Celebrities flock to their cause because it's easy. All they have to do is write out a check and BAM! They are an animal lover. So yes, I will eat the meat knowing that it would get stuck in a PETA member's craw. Knowing they would HATE me for it. That's just for tonight however. Tonight and beyond I will eat meat because it's damn tasty and my human body needs the proteins that reside therein. Simply put I'll forget PETA exists until they do something else cruel, mean-spirited, and small minded. I know I won't have long to wait.

In the mean time I will do what I can by voting for the causes I believe in, by writing to those who represent me to the greater world at large and speaking my mind, and yes, even by ranting here. I won't call anyone a murderer without just cause. I won't make mountains out of molehills, and I won't disrupt the lives of others by shoving what I hate down their throats. I will simply do what I can to make the world a better place and thank the Lord and Lady that I have been as lucky as I am. My brothers and sisters suffer, children die lonely, sick, and in pain, good people, children, are driven to suicide by those who love to wallow in their ignorance and hide behind books. All and all cows, chickens, fish, and pigs seem insignificant by comparison.

I thank everyone who posted in this thread and everyone who spoke their minds, I ask you to bear with the over-speaking of mine. Thank-you for reading this, if you've gotten this far. I wish you good luck and success. In the meantime, there's a bacon wrapped steak sizzling for me and I really should consume it so it doesn't go to waste.

-Cameron Myers

Thoughts on Feminism and the Media

http://www.nicovideo.jp/watch/​sm1328951

This is the video that inspired this, my latest rant. People responded to it in ways that surprised me. I actually posted this whole thing on Facebook as well, but since it's gargantuan and really represents what I think about the subject I thought I'd put it up here as well.

I am as feminist as or probably more so than the next guy. All of my step fathers were abysmal failures and male role models from my past I respect are pretty thin on the ground. I believe women should earn as much as men in the workplace, I believe women should be allowed to participate in whatever sport or profession they wish without harassment or discrimination due to their gender and I believe that women should be okay with their sexuality. That being said, I also believe that men should be held to those same standards. It's okay for both genders to be sexual creatures and its okay for both genders to admire certain qualities, whether they are physical, spiritual or emotional in the partners they prefer. I believe that works that emphasize these qualities should be available to adults of either gender. In other words I am as okay with this as I am with Zelgadis appearing in Women's lingerie in Slayers Wonderful or encountering the massive amounts of Kingdom Hearts (Or Harry Potter to be more current) yaoi that is out there. It doesn’t float my boat, but I can understand why those whose boat it does float would want to see it. (I get upset at the weird pairings sometimes, but that’s weabooism rather than sexism. The point is this is okay. No-one is being hurt, and no-one is being really degraded. The clip is at least respectful to the character featured and she is not being hurt or coerced in any way. It’s her wedding day. She’s feeling nervous and a little shy. It happens. Yes, I’m sure a lot of men had their hands in this game, but the representation of a blushing bride is not a new one. The fact that her dress is slit and has a plunging neckline is a matter of fashion, not exploitation. Now if she were getting married in a Brazilian sling or skimpy swimwear that would be exploitive. If she were in a teddy, that would be exploitive, as it is this is a picture of a beautiful woman in a beautiful outfit during a wonderful and happy occasion. Yes, it is geared toward those who like the female form (One of the people who liked the video is a lesbian who is engaged to be married to her partner.) but that’s okay. It’s no reason to argue on either side of the fence. If you don’t like it you are free never to click on the link again and I will not lose any respect for you. I just ask to be allowed to appreciate it myself and to let others who will appreciate it share it. All I ask is that people let it be what it is, which is simply beautiful.